there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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