im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
