That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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