is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
