We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
