im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
