first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
