WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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