The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
