Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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