Only a mothe r could love this liver
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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