I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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