Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
