Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
