I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
