i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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