remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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