I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize