My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
