Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
