Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
