I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
