Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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