seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
