so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
