just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
