Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I forget how to act sober
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
