Banned from zoo.
Again?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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