Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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