I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am naked and annoyed.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
