So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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