Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
