Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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