she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize