Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
