There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
