you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
