you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
