I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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