Will you blow on my dice?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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