I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
