I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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