Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think I sprained my soul last night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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