I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize