dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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