He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
