Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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