Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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