Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
