If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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