so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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