"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
