Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
