Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
