im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize