Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also, beer. Big fan.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
