Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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