my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
