You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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