At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
