Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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