3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
