So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
